hello, my name is charmaine.
this is my blog and i get to write whatever i want,
whenever i feel like to.
too bad if your fugly actions and thoughts appear here
if you're not happy, jolly well fuck off
because nobody told you to come here.
i urge you to think twice before spamming or leaving a comment
enjoy readers!
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> to be strong healthy and free from worries. i realise that i don't grow stronger after accepting facts that i can't accept. instead i grew to learn that humans are materialistic, cold and heartless. they will do anything, everything for the sake of money. its true and i agree that we need money to survive. especially in this materialistic country. i always thought that falling down and getting hurt are part of growing up. yes, somehow it is. falling down and getting hurt also plays a big part of losing self-confidence and often being more paranoid. money is often a cause of big trouble. its like the friction that causes the matchsticks to be lighted up. polictics in school, office and organisation even cca are often seen. in conclusion, anywhere that have humans living together, there will be politics. polictics as in people aiming to be first and quarrel with on reason etc, i think you know what i'm talking about. when someone have the power hunger to do things (like vampires craving for human blood), they tend to err more than usual people always say that human life is already tough enough, why do we still have to be so serious? but when people joke around not getting serious, they would flare up. maybe you would say that there's time for everything and stuff like that. many words and phrases are just excuses for one's lie or lazyness. now, i'm just writing how i feel because i realise that its difficult to accept a fact that will spoil a relationship. but you know, running away isn't a good choice afterall. WHAT AM I THINKING? IDK. HAHAHA. its tough to be a middleman.
i don't like it when i'm in a plan,
but no one tells me about it.
good bye!
> memories that can never be replaced. had Olvl mtl paper today, both p1 & p2.the first 10 mins of p1, my nose bleed. how great is that?
guess what, buddy was sitting beside me and this only happens in Olvl.
had a sleepover @ sumin house on sat.
had lunch, watch our fav hk dramas, studied, kim came, studied, waited for our dedications on 98.7(but it wasn't broadcast), sing-along(ha-ha),watched a quarter of hsm2 which the projector loves as other dvds, the projector didnt like it(=.=) and "tonight is the night that i will fall for you". haha girls can be crazy when they all sleep over. i'm blessed to have them.
we grew up together and those memories will never be replaced. back home the next morning.
i got so irritated that we went back so early. thanks to someone i dont want to mention who. i've never thought things would be like this.
i've found million of reasons to let go.
your false hopes have always been my reason to carry on.
> let the world speak, its ending.
my condolences to the victims of the Myanmar & China disaster.
i'm exhausted. uber 2 weeks of intensive mother tongue,
in between there are holidays with no rest at all.
chinese O is just next monday. so you see, time is passing so fast that we've no idea it is.
its is passing too fast too fast. too fast for me to pause and take a deep breathe.
time really wait for no man. anyway, i went for the last treatment for the leg thingy.
but they say that idiot is still so stubborn, it don't want to drop.
so too bad. waiting for review.
I'M PRAYING HARD I DONT HAVE TO DO TREATMENT AGAIN.
liquid nitrogen being sprayed on your wound for 4 fucking times.
and after each time, it gets more painful.
i have to limp after each treatment. ROAR.
I DONT LIKE IT. i wish i had otis spunkmeyer with me. blah. (: okok im on continueing. im damn sleepy. uber.
toodles. > if this is fate, i'll let go.
yes, yesterday back from camp. camp: I'M SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED. well, whatever i've plan got screwed up. so, what more can i say? my efforts and money went down the fucking drain. TELL ME, WHAT MORE FUCKING SHIT CAN I SAY? you guys can see this post and come picking on me LIKE WHAT YOU DID TO SOMEONE ELSE. too bad, if you guys happen to read this, and if you want to come question me. i can only say, fucking hell this is my blog, you are not happy with what i say, then bloody hell FUCK OFF. and don't come back. come on' be sensible. didn't anyone taught you to respect people and their words and actions? and for fuck sake, i can't find any reason or maybe even excuses to respect you. simple, you want people to respect you, respect people first. and mind you, we don't eat glass to grow up so therefore, we are not fucking transparent. simple and clear cut enough to understand? okay, enough of this. i'm just venting my anger. anyway, tomorrow is vesak day. and yeah, as usual tonight we have to go around different temples to pray. it just seem so different without you going. those prata supper, your "empty vessel makes the most noise" lingo to me. well, 4 years have pass. its four years without you. and i haven't got use to it. i just feel so empty. you were once part of my life. remember those christmas party? remember rascal chasing me around the house? remember rascal chasing me until my skirt drop when i climbed up the chair? i hope you still remember. but it just seem so impossible. now, i really wonder. do you still remember me? i know, its all impossible. it's all impossible when you are not here with me anymore. and never will. ): but i've accepted the fact that the dead can't wake up. but, i still love you, deep down and always will. allright, have to go for prayers already update tomorrow. toodles. > an extra mile still takes me nowhere.
just the way you are.
I'M OFF TO THE OVERNIGHT BBQ IN SCHOOL TML. WOOHOOOOOO. idk why i've come back to this stage.
the stage where i'm holding on to nothing.
being confuse about everything.
i'm still breathing without you.
thanks for giving me a chance to at least do something for you.
i was over the moon.
but the sun always shine the next morning.
the rain comes and rainbow appears.
but it didn't bring me the smiles i wanted.
it just hurt so much to see you like that.
it hurts me so badly to see you like that.
i should be feeling happy now,
because you are experiencing what you did to me.
you are feeling what i'm feeling in the past.
but, i really can't bear to see you feel this way.
it really hurts deep down.
the heart wrenching tears just run like the open tap.
i know, i'm suppose to move on.
its all so easy to be said out but so difficult to be acted out.
when your nothing becomes my everything.
i know, i'm hanging onto nothing.
i know what are the impossibles.
but still, nevermind.
i know whatever i say will become trash somewhat.
thanks for listening. bye. ):
> people who claims to be your best friend.
FUCK YOU. yea, as promised- pictures from handsome's cam. :D
                  see, pictures paints a thousand words right? Dr William Tan came to our school to give graduating class a motivational talk. i think he really deserve the respect alot. its like, being a fact that he is disabled but he did many things to prove people wrong. especially people who look down on the disabled. he did not do it to prove people wrong, but he do it because he was determind. he knew he would make a difference. and i really really really respect him. ALOT! having polio at the age of 2, the was paralysed waist down. despite such facts, he move on with life. there is nothing more to whine about life right? allright, till here readers. toodles. (:
> when the stars shine, for you.
will everything still be the same?SATURDAY: haha, went for lunch buffet for felicia's one year old celebration. yes. saw many people. but this time, the atmosphere is abit different. or should i say, very different. it become so so so stiff, so strict. so everything negative. but i still enjoy myself! :D then went over to jo's house to slack. then went for mother's day dinner! :D hohoho. i enjoyed myself ALOT. woohoooooo slacking around. talking. some pictures to share!   SUNDAY:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
to me, everyday is mother's day. blah. haha
slacking around at home.
and while ironing, i accidentally burn my finger.
yes, according to the FA manual, suppose to put it under
the running water. i did it okay.
but somehow, its still the same, so i use the old traditional method.
USE TOOTHPASTE. it did works okay! :DDD
AND, MANCHESTER UNITED THE CHAMPIONS.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
MONDAY:
don't have to attend school today,
so planned to go sentosa!
met up with boink, elmo, zoe and handsome.
hahaha. supposed to go catch a movie but,
we left sentosa late, and im suppose to go grandma house for dinner.
blah. and so i didnt join the rest for dinner! had lotsa fun.
some photos to share! :D
      okay, still got some pictures with handsome.
haha when i get it i'll upload it! :D
oh and i got something to say! =.= FAISAL IS MORE HANDSOME THAN RONALDO.
faisal say one. haha. allright, school starts tomorrow.
i think im gonna flunk my mids.
well, we shall see tomorrow.
toodles. :D
i'm so gonna make sure, my next post will be a happy post because tomorrow i'm gonna go - lunch buffet at some hotel
- mothers' day dinner.
woohoo. i just can't wait.
so now, let me just start whining. haha.
i just finish my mids today. and i'm like
so freaking tired. darn.
no, i don't do "ren sen da dao li" .
so don't try telling me all about life.
life is unpredictable blahblabla.
i know. i know. i know.
live life to the fullest. blablabla.
eh, how to live life to the fullest when
everyone is like living in lies?
now you know how hyprocrite the world is?
i think everyone know it deep down.
if the world is ever so pure and innocent,
there wouldn't be us.
fancy people saying how perfect they are,
when everyone knows perfect is an illusion.
well but all these is just a penny for my thoughts.
and i'll keep the penny. haha :D
lame luh. nevermind. haha! :D > we live in lies.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? i promise for a happy post the next one. :D hmm, ever had the feeling of you, on the edge of breaking down. your mind just went total blank and all you can think about is, E-scaping?! i had that when i had my physics paper today. my mind went total blank. i can't help but start whining again. blah, not about how bad my life is, because i still have my girlfriends around. but i want to whine about. yeah, almost everything. =.= REALLY AND SERIOUSLY with tinge of honesty, i had enough of people telling me to study. now, i got the urge to drop my studies and sleep all day long. but i know i can't do that, or i'll be labelled as the useless being having people to carry a heavy burden. whatever it is, let me go on my own pace and let me know how i'm like suppose to you know, study well. and telling me what to do, because of a fact that, you all have been through it. blah! - like my mum. blahhhhhhh i truely appreciate what you all have done for me, but sometimes, its not all about studying. have anyone like care about what is happening to me? instead of like studying studying studying. its all about the mentality. let me chose what i want. i know my mids, its like all gone. but im not regretting, just hoping to do better next time. im not continueing this, im getting sleepy. but really i appreciate. thanks people! :D about my motivation to study, i've like hmm, tore it away. so next im like gonna find a new motivation. :D and i think i've found it. THE UPCOMING OLVL MT is my new motivation. woohoooo. toodles.
exams exams and exams. im going bonkers! you know! B-O-N-K-E-R-S! sigh. i have to admit though, i can't handle stress properly. tomorrow is the treatment. :/ you know, i HATE the treatment. but its like the 2nd last already. gonna get over it and ta-da DISCHARGE FROM SKIN CENTER. woohooo :D somehow, i just can't get over this. i don't even know you? =.= the best part is, you're fucking sensitive. :D too bad for you! anyway, i've like tear the post-it. and dump it in some bins. you know, the thing is like OFF! come'on, say whatever you want. petty and stuffs, i dont give a fuck. so don't fucking blame me. and yeah, this is my blog. so, i can write what i want here. if like you're not happy, then toodles, you're not welcome here. for fuck sake, dont come back. H-A-H-A i may write about you and your fugly thoughts or actions, and that is just my problem. BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG. i get to write whatever i want. :D i write what i feel. BYE!
i miss WEIXING! :D
he was there for me when i was down.
he was there to listen to my boring stories.
he was there when i was so helpless
and hopeless.
he is my big bro!
charmaine is my name.
also known as duck.
Seventeen going Eighteen.
i laugh at my own jokes.
i've got a temper that i can't control.
i'm blunt.
GIRLFRIENDS is love.
and oh, i hate copycats.
period.
xoxo.
> to be strong healthy and free from worries. i realise that i don't grow stronger after accepting facts that i can't accept. instead i grew to learn that humans are materialistic, cold and heartless. they will do anything, everything for the sake of money. its true and i agree that we need money to survive. especially in this materialistic country. i always thought that falling down and getting hurt are part of growing up. yes, somehow it is. falling down and getting hurt also plays a big part of losing self-confidence and often being more paranoid. money is often a cause of big trouble. its like the friction that causes the matchsticks to be lighted up. polictics in school, office and organisation even cca are often seen. in conclusion, anywhere that have humans living together, there will be politics. polictics as in people aiming to be first and quarrel with on reason etc, i think you know what i'm talking about. when someone have the power hunger to do things (like vampires craving for human blood), they tend to err more than usual people always say that human life is already tough enough, why do we still have to be so serious? but when people joke around not getting serious, they would flare up. maybe you would say that there's time for everything and stuff like that. many words and phrases are just excuses for one's lie or lazyness. now, i'm just writing how i feel because i realise that its difficult to accept a fact that will spoil a relationship. but you know, running away isn't a good choice afterall. WHAT AM I THINKING? IDK. HAHAHA. its tough to be a middleman.
i don't like it when i'm in a plan,
but no one tells me about it.
good bye!
> memories that can never be replaced. had Olvl mtl paper today, both p1 & p2.the first 10 mins of p1, my nose bleed. how great is that?
guess what, buddy was sitting beside me and this only happens in Olvl.
had a sleepover @ sumin house on sat.
had lunch, watch our fav hk dramas, studied, kim came, studied, waited for our dedications on 98.7(but it wasn't broadcast), sing-along(ha-ha),watched a quarter of hsm2 which the projector loves as other dvds, the projector didnt like it(=.=) and "tonight is the night that i will fall for you". haha girls can be crazy when they all sleep over. i'm blessed to have them.
we grew up together and those memories will never be replaced. back home the next morning.
i got so irritated that we went back so early. thanks to someone i dont want to mention who. i've never thought things would be like this.
i've found million of reasons to let go.
your false hopes have always been my reason to carry on.
> let the world speak, its ending.
my condolences to the victims of the Myanmar & China disaster.
i'm exhausted. uber 2 weeks of intensive mother tongue,
in between there are holidays with no rest at all.
chinese O is just next monday. so you see, time is passing so fast that we've no idea it is.
its is passing too fast too fast. too fast for me to pause and take a deep breathe.
time really wait for no man. anyway, i went for the last treatment for the leg thingy.
but they say that idiot is still so stubborn, it don't want to drop.
so too bad. waiting for review.
I'M PRAYING HARD I DONT HAVE TO DO TREATMENT AGAIN.
liquid nitrogen being sprayed on your wound for 4 fucking times.
and after each time, it gets more painful.
i have to limp after each treatment. ROAR.
I DONT LIKE IT. i wish i had otis spunkmeyer with me. blah. (: okok im on continueing. im damn sleepy. uber.
toodles. > if this is fate, i'll let go.
yes, yesterday back from camp. camp: I'M SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED. well, whatever i've plan got screwed up. so, what more can i say? my efforts and money went down the fucking drain. TELL ME, WHAT MORE FUCKING SHIT CAN I SAY? you guys can see this post and come picking on me LIKE WHAT YOU DID TO SOMEONE ELSE. too bad, if you guys happen to read this, and if you want to come question me. i can only say, fucking hell this is my blog, you are not happy with what i say, then bloody hell FUCK OFF. and don't come back. come on' be sensible. didn't anyone taught you to respect people and their words and actions? and for fuck sake, i can't find any reason or maybe even excuses to respect you. simple, you want people to respect you, respect people first. and mind you, we don't eat glass to grow up so therefore, we are not fucking transparent. simple and clear cut enough to understand? okay, enough of this. i'm just venting my anger. anyway, tomorrow is vesak day. and yeah, as usual tonight we have to go around different temples to pray. it just seem so different without you going. those prata supper, your "empty vessel makes the most noise" lingo to me. well, 4 years have pass. its four years without you. and i haven't got use to it. i just feel so empty. you were once part of my life. remember those christmas party? remember rascal chasing me around the house? remember rascal chasing me until my skirt drop when i climbed up the chair? i hope you still remember. but it just seem so impossible. now, i really wonder. do you still remember me? i know, its all impossible. it's all impossible when you are not here with me anymore. and never will. ): but i've accepted the fact that the dead can't wake up. but, i still love you, deep down and always will. allright, have to go for prayers already update tomorrow. toodles. > an extra mile still takes me nowhere.
just the way you are.
I'M OFF TO THE OVERNIGHT BBQ IN SCHOOL TML. WOOHOOOOOO. idk why i've come back to this stage.
the stage where i'm holding on to nothing.
being confuse about everything.
i'm still breathing without you.
thanks for giving me a chance to at least do something for you.
i was over the moon.
but the sun always shine the next morning.
the rain comes and rainbow appears.
but it didn't bring me the smiles i wanted.
it just hurt so much to see you like that.
it hurts me so badly to see you like that.
i should be feeling happy now,
because you are experiencing what you did to me.
you are feeling what i'm feeling in the past.
but, i really can't bear to see you feel this way.
it really hurts deep down.
the heart wrenching tears just run like the open tap.
i know, i'm suppose to move on.
its all so easy to be said out but so difficult to be acted out.
when your nothing becomes my everything.
i know, i'm hanging onto nothing.
i know what are the impossibles.
but still, nevermind.
i know whatever i say will become trash somewhat.
thanks for listening. bye. ):
> people who claims to be your best friend.
FUCK YOU. yea, as promised- pictures from handsome's cam. :D
see, pictures paints a thousand words right? Dr William Tan came to our school to give graduating class a motivational talk. i think he really deserve the respect alot. its like, being a fact that he is disabled but he did many things to prove people wrong. especially people who look down on the disabled. he did not do it to prove people wrong, but he do it because he was determind. he knew he would make a difference. and i really really really respect him. ALOT! having polio at the age of 2, the was paralysed waist down. despite such facts, he move on with life. there is nothing more to whine about life right? allright, till here readers. toodles. (:
> when the stars shine, for you.
will everything still be the same?SATURDAY: haha, went for lunch buffet for felicia's one year old celebration. yes. saw many people. but this time, the atmosphere is abit different. or should i say, very different. it become so so so stiff, so strict. so everything negative. but i still enjoy myself! :D then went over to jo's house to slack. then went for mother's day dinner! :D hohoho. i enjoyed myself ALOT. woohoooooo slacking around. talking. some pictures to share! SUNDAY:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
to me, everyday is mother's day. blah. haha
slacking around at home.
and while ironing, i accidentally burn my finger.
yes, according to the FA manual, suppose to put it under
the running water. i did it okay.
but somehow, its still the same, so i use the old traditional method.
USE TOOTHPASTE. it did works okay! :DDD
AND, MANCHESTER UNITED THE CHAMPIONS.
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
MONDAY:
don't have to attend school today,
so planned to go sentosa!
met up with boink, elmo, zoe and handsome.
hahaha. supposed to go catch a movie but,
we left sentosa late, and im suppose to go grandma house for dinner.
blah. and so i didnt join the rest for dinner! had lotsa fun.
some photos to share! :D
okay, still got some pictures with handsome.
haha when i get it i'll upload it! :D
oh and i got something to say! =.= FAISAL IS MORE HANDSOME THAN RONALDO.
faisal say one. haha. allright, school starts tomorrow.
i think im gonna flunk my mids.
well, we shall see tomorrow.
toodles. :D
i'm so gonna make sure, my next post will be a happy post because tomorrow i'm gonna go - lunch buffet at some hotel
- mothers' day dinner.
woohoo. i just can't wait.
so now, let me just start whining. haha.
i just finish my mids today. and i'm like
so freaking tired. darn.
no, i don't do "ren sen da dao li" .
so don't try telling me all about life.
life is unpredictable blahblabla.
i know. i know. i know.
live life to the fullest. blablabla.
eh, how to live life to the fullest when
everyone is like living in lies?
now you know how hyprocrite the world is?
i think everyone know it deep down.
if the world is ever so pure and innocent,
there wouldn't be us.
fancy people saying how perfect they are,
when everyone knows perfect is an illusion.
well but all these is just a penny for my thoughts.
and i'll keep the penny. haha :D
lame luh. nevermind. haha! :D > we live in lies.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? i promise for a happy post the next one. :D hmm, ever had the feeling of you, on the edge of breaking down. your mind just went total blank and all you can think about is, E-scaping?! i had that when i had my physics paper today. my mind went total blank. i can't help but start whining again. blah, not about how bad my life is, because i still have my girlfriends around. but i want to whine about. yeah, almost everything. =.= REALLY AND SERIOUSLY with tinge of honesty, i had enough of people telling me to study. now, i got the urge to drop my studies and sleep all day long. but i know i can't do that, or i'll be labelled as the useless being having people to carry a heavy burden. whatever it is, let me go on my own pace and let me know how i'm like suppose to you know, study well. and telling me what to do, because of a fact that, you all have been through it. blah! - like my mum. blahhhhhhh i truely appreciate what you all have done for me, but sometimes, its not all about studying. have anyone like care about what is happening to me? instead of like studying studying studying. its all about the mentality. let me chose what i want. i know my mids, its like all gone. but im not regretting, just hoping to do better next time. im not continueing this, im getting sleepy. but really i appreciate. thanks people! :D about my motivation to study, i've like hmm, tore it away. so next im like gonna find a new motivation. :D and i think i've found it. THE UPCOMING OLVL MT is my new motivation. woohoooo. toodles.
exams exams and exams. im going bonkers! you know! B-O-N-K-E-R-S! sigh. i have to admit though, i can't handle stress properly. tomorrow is the treatment. :/ you know, i HATE the treatment. but its like the 2nd last already. gonna get over it and ta-da DISCHARGE FROM SKIN CENTER. woohooo :D somehow, i just can't get over this. i don't even know you? =.= the best part is, you're fucking sensitive. :D too bad for you! anyway, i've like tear the post-it. and dump it in some bins. you know, the thing is like OFF! come'on, say whatever you want. petty and stuffs, i dont give a fuck. so don't fucking blame me. and yeah, this is my blog. so, i can write what i want here. if like you're not happy, then toodles, you're not welcome here. for fuck sake, dont come back. H-A-H-A i may write about you and your fugly thoughts or actions, and that is just my problem. BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG. i get to write whatever i want. :D i write what i feel. BYE!
i miss WEIXING! :D
he was there for me when i was down.
he was there to listen to my boring stories.
he was there when i was so helpless
and hopeless.
he is my big bro!
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